The readings families return to, and how to choose
At most services the reading is chosen in a single evening, from a shortlist that has stayed remarkably stable for generations. Here is that shortlist, with what each piece is "for".
The universal two
Psalm 23 ("The Lord is my shepherd") — comfort and faith; read at services of every Christian tradition and many beyond it.
"Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep" (Mary Elizabeth Frye) — the most-chosen secular poem in the English-speaking world; its message ("I am not gone") suits any service.
By tone
Gentle faith: Psalm 121 ("I lift up mine eyes"), John 14:1–3 ("In my Father's house"), Ecclesiastes 3 ("To every thing there is a season").
Quiet secular comfort: "She Is Gone / Remember Me" (David Harkins — "you can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived"), "Afterglow", Henry Scott-Holland's "Death Is Nothing at All".
For a long life well lived: "Warm Summer Sun" (Mark Twain), "Remember" (Christina Rossetti).
For a parent: "Her Journey's Just Begun" (Ellen Brenneman); for a spouse: 1 Corinthians 13 ("Love is patient").
Matching the reading to the person
Read the shortlist aloud and pick the one that sounds like something they would have said — not the most poetic one. A gardener gets Ecclesiastes; a joker gets Twain; a matriarch of faith gets the Psalm she underlined in her own Bible. On the program, the reading traditionally closes the inside pages, after the family sections — where our program maker places it automatically.
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Frequently asked questions
Can we use song lyrics as a funeral reading?
Spoken at the service, families do it often. For PRINTING in the program, modern lyrics are copyrighted — print the song title in the order of service instead, and print a public-domain poem as the closing verse.
How many readings should a service have?
One or two. One scripture or poem mid-service, one short verse printed as the program's closing — more starts to blur.
Who should read the poem at the service?
Someone one step removed from the closest grief — a grandchild, niece or friend often carries it more steadily than a spouse or child.