The eulogy: a calm method for an impossible-feeling task
You have two days, a blank page, and a person who deserves better than you feel able to give. Every eulogist feels exactly this. The method below has carried thousands of people through — it works because it replaces "summarize a life" with three achievable steps.
Step 1 — collect three stories (one hour)
Call two or three people who loved them and ask one question: "What's the first story that comes to mind?" Write down what they say, plus your own. You need three stories: one that makes people smile, one that shows who the person really was, one that involves you. Specific beats profound — the burnt Thanksgiving turkey outlives "she was generous".
Step 2 — find the thread (twenty minutes)
Read your three stories and ask what they have in common. That sentence — "she made everyone feel like the guest of honor", "he never once arrived without something to give you" — is your eulogy's spine. Say it near the start, let each story prove it, return to it at the end.
Step 3 — assemble (one hour)
Open simply: who you are, what they were to you. Body: the three stories, lightest first. Close: the thread sentence, one goodbye line. 700–900 words reads as five to seven minutes — the right length everywhere.
Delivering it
Print it in large type, double-spaced — never from a phone. Read it aloud twice at home; mark the two places you're most likely to break, and plan a pause and a sip of water there. If you break anyway, pause — the room is with you, and a crack in the voice has never ruined a eulogy in the history of funerals. Keep a backup reader (ask in advance) for the worst case; knowing they exist is usually enough to never need them.
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Frequently asked questions
How long should a eulogy be?
5–7 minutes — about 700–900 written words. Under 4 feels abrupt; over 10 loses the room regardless of quality.
What should a eulogy avoid?
Chronological résumés ("born in… then attended…"), inside jokes needing setup, unresolved grievances, and promises of perfection — honest and warm beats flawless.
What if I cry during the eulogy?
Everyone in the room expects it. Pause, breathe, continue — or hand the page to your pre-arranged backup. Both happen at real funerals every day and neither is a failure.